There is no simple answer to this question. It depends on many factors, including the level of conflict in your marriage, your ability to cooperate as coparents, and the age and temperament of your child.

If the marriage is physically abusive, I believe the best time to exit the situation is as soon as possible. Your children fear for their safety, your safety, and that of their siblings. In homes where there is a high conflict marriage, if the parents involved will be more civil after divorce, the best time to end it is often as soon as possible. Witnessing escalating conflict and their parents hurting each other often leads to fear, distrust, anxiety, self-esteem issues, and problems with communication and conflict resolution in their own relationships. Your children need to see that healthier relationships are possible so they (and you) can begin to heal. Still, in high-conflict marriages, there is the possibly that the divorce will escalate and continue the conflict. The high-conflict postdivorce parenting and the accompanying changes of divorce itself put children severely at risk. All of these possibilities need to be weighed when considering divorce. It’s also important to note that a “high-conflict marriage” is difficult to measure and is very subjective.

In low-conflict marriages, many developmentalists (researchers in many fields who study human development) believe that infants are most at risk, because of their developmental needs for security and stability for attachment. Children may also be at risk during the preteen years. Many preteens rush into risky adolescent behavior. Children in the 5-7 age group are particularly at risk for regression, because they are learning to get along in the world of peers and need the stability of home life to be able to focus on the playground and in the classroom, but these theories are based on qualitative research. There is little quantitative research to support a given age as a worst or best time for parents to divorce.