You know when you plan to write a number of articles for your blog, but it just doesn’t pan out? That’s what July and August have been like for me. We had the kick-off interview for Child-Centered Divorce Month on June 30 on KTUL in Tulsa, the online promotion of the “Four Ways to Create a Child-Centered Divorce” article, the Fox 25 interview in Oklahoma City, with tours of the Bethel Foundation and the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative offices the same day, and the benefit nights for Blended Love: Spirit Night at Chick-Fil-A on July 22, and our first ever ‘dress-up’ benefit on July 29, which happened to be Bobby’s and my four-year anniversary. The event was called “Old Bags and Bling”. We auctioned off gently-used designer handbags and lots of beautiful home decor items donated by Carpentree, and collected gold to fund our programs, thanks to Tulsa Gold & Gems. Our goal: to share our mission and vision for Blended Love with all of those in attendance, and to inspire those who were motivated by their own hearts to give — by sharing with them our programs, our intention, and our story.

I shared my own experience as an adult child of divorce. I shared how I witnessed my sister Sara Gene pulling out her hair, and how I lost my sister Jade for ten years as she made many choices that she would later regret (She is now doing well and has been for several years. She’s doing everything within her power to make sure that she doesn’t backslide. To me, she is one of the strongest and most beautiful people in the world, because of her struggle and what she has overcome).

I shared with the attendees that my sisters and I were not alone. There are many children of divorce who feel the need to care for their siblings, whether their parents put that pressure on them or not. There are many children who do this to themselves, like I did. Read Judith Wallerstein’s The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce for more information. There are many children who pull out their hair (it’s called trichotillomania), and otherwise manifest their anxiety physically. Still, there are many like Jade, acting out, engaging in behaviors they don’t like, behaviors they themselves don’t understand…all in an effort to cope with the changes in their lives. While there are some that have it better than we did, many are coping in ways that are much, much worse. But every child copes in the best way they can. Blended Love exists to help children cope positively.

In 2009, God arranged for a meeting. Heather Rouba, Mrs. Oklahoma 2009 (who shared a platform with me — we both have hearts for children and families), suggested I contact Monica Epperson, a woman who ran a nonprofit in Tulsa, aimed at supporting children of divorce. Monica had been praying for a partner, and I had been praying for a way to really help (I had hit some road blocks when I attempted to help children of divorce on my own). Together, we found that we could help so many children…Each of us had found her match in each other. While we run school-based programs — secular programs aimed at helping children to manage their emotions well and helping the teachers and parents in their lives to support them — we also shared a common faith. Both of us pray for the children and teachers we serve every day and both of us are learning to “let go and let God” which is a powerful and beautiful thing for these two type-A personalities…who were accustomed to taking on responsibility that wasn’t theirs. We’re young but our experience makes us old souls. We know what it’s like, because we are Adult Children of Divorce.

After sharing our message about our reason for being, our journey to each other, and our programs: the Change Agent Journal Program (which is our hands-on work with kids in pubic schools), Calm Classrooms in Turbulent Times (our teacher’s course, helping the classroom teacher to manage the changes to today’s classroom…to create calm classrooms in turbulent times), and our Library Resources program (Our book donation program, in which we donate divorce/fiction books to schools and aim to give every child a book) — after all of this, we showed a video of the outstanding people who make all of this happen (our incredible board and volunteers), along with the kids we serve.

I could not be more grateful to Spencer Fisher and Tulsa Gold & Gems for organizing our party and helping us to help children of divorce here in Tulsa. I believe with my whole heart that this movement will spread throughout the nation — and it must begin now. There are children who are suffering every day. The sooner we help them, the better. We are so grateful for the fundraising opportunity and the chance to share our message. Spencer is one of the most generous and gracious people I know and I’m grateful to know him. I believe that as we continue to focus on service and the precious kids we serve, that the donors and grants will come to meet this need in our community.

Very few people are helping these kids — people see them as resilient and not needy, or people see them as broken and lost. We’re one of the few organizations that sees solutions: We know these kids are at risk, but we also know that it doesn’t have to be that way. It all comes down to teaching kids how to manage their emotions well — so we give them the skills, the tools, of emotional intelligence, equipping them for life. Then this “risk” has become an opportunity to develop perseverance, courage and inner strength. What could be better than that?

So now it’s August! LOL We’re over half-way through the month and we have been busy, preparing for big changes within the organization. Kids are going back to school, and so is Blended Love. We’re gearing up to implement fall programs. We’re enlisting the help of all of the wonderful, passionate, and intelligent people that believe in our cause. We’re meeting with the teachers who will soon welcome us into their classrooms. In short (or not-so-short! LOL), we’re gearing up to grow. This year, Blended Love has become less about us (the leadership) and more an entity all its own. While our programs are secular in nature, this is God’s ministry (in my eyes). We use practical business techniques to make sure Blended Love serves children, families, and teachers well into the future, and we use child development and social & emotional intelligence research, to ensure that our programs have a scientific foundation. It’s my belief that truth is truth. I love science — but science has been catching up with God’s truth from the very beginning. Based in truth supported by research, coupled with compassion and experience, I’m praying for God’s guidance and favor as we go into the future.

On our agenda:

  • Finishing the online-version of Calm Classrooms in Turbulent Times, our staff development course
  • Purchasing supplies for fall programs
  • (Possibly!) finding an office space
  • and gearing up for Chili on the Square, our annual chili fundraiser event, taking place Friday, October 15 in downtown Tulsa.

So that’s the news from Blended Love, with my personal spin on it! Let me know if you’d like to help or learn more!

SashaMTownsend@gmail.com

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