When I give a speech about supporting children after divorce, I usually receive a lot of positive feedback for my research and work with children. But there is almost always one parent who visits with me, who is noticeably upset. I find that they are feeling guilty and my introductory statistics about the risks facing children of divorce just made them feel worse. They get defensive, and often want to argue about the statistics. I imagine that there are others who didn’t approach me who felt the same way. My heart goes out to these parents. This post is for them.

I want you to know that in no way do I want you to feel guilty. I want you to know that

  • I’m on your side. I want to help you to support your children, help teachers to support their students, and help children to develop positive coping skills for dealing with divorce and other family changes. We all want kids to cope in the best possible ways. We’re on the same team.
  • I believe most parents are doing the very best they can. Most single-parents are doing a wonderful job. They are doing the work of two parents and trying to rebuild their lives and themselves financially, socially, and emotionally. I have seen the commitment, the sacrifice, that single parents make for their kids. I am so grateful that you are putting your children first.
  • With all of the good intentions in the world, we still make mistakes. I have rarely seen a parent who intends to put his or her child in the middle, or purposefully neglects his child’s emotional life, but unintentionally and sometimes intentionally, these things happen every day and put children of divorce at risk. By learning from the experiences of others, we can educate ourselves to better support kids.
  • Sometimes, parents don’t know how to help because they lack resources and information. Sometimes, we try to help children to cope positively with emotions like sadness and anger, but it’s hard because we don’t know how to cope positively with these emotions ourselves. Sometimes, we aren’t even aware that the child is suffering or struggling, because we fail to recognize the warning signs. I don’t have all of the answers, but I can provide some suggestions, tips, resources, and information based on my experiences with children and the best social science available.

Blended Love: Giving A Voice to the Child of Divorce

I don’t understand what it’s like to be a divorcing parent, but I remember what it was like to be a child of divorce. My posts and presentations are created from that perspective. This part of my history motivates me and stays with me, although I try to be as objective as possible. I have studied the impact of divorce on children and their families since 2003, along with solutions to help children cope positively.

At Blended Love, we are adult children of divorce who speak for the children who aren’t developmentally or psychologically ready to speak for themselves. I hope this perspective will help you consider how your child is feeling, and based on that empathy, we hope to equip you to reach out to him. Visit Blended Love online for more resources.

Thank you & Contact Information

Thank you for seeking out resources to support your children. Please feel free to contact me at SashaMTownsend@gmail.com with any comments, questions, suggestions or even criticism. I believe that our critics are some of our best teachers. Please be kind and respectful if you can. I want to learn from you and I want to be certain that I’m being as sensitive as possible, while staying true to the science and my value system.